The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize