Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
