the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I am available for nakedness
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
