when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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