I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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