i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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