I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
