I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
