I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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