He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
