no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
