my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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