Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I believe in your delicious
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
