i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
