My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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