There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
