you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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