im six kinds of drunk right now
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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