I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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