Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
