i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
this boner is exhausting
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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