Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
