I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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