Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
