if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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