its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
it's like iHOP with fire
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
