How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
