benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize