The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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