Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
