I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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