When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
