only if we run a train.
done.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
