i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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