she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
