Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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