sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
