we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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