I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
