just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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