He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
