Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Someone signed my nipple.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
