I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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