Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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