all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Randomize
