We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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