You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
