he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Girls should come with a carfax report
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
