I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
