i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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