dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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