I wanna bring you to show and tell
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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