Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
