At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
