Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
