do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
