Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Less talking, more tequila
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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