I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
