My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
