you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
