the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
That's intense
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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