Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
