Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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