you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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