a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
