It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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