Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
