I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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