Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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