its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
ttyl tear gas
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
