after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
