If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
