3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
