Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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