Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
