Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
