If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
