its not stalking. its research.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize