Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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