i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
