my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
