I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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