it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
