careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
