I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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