The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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