He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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