final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize