i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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