And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
