the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
