toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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